It is just temporary………It is just temporary…………..It is just temporary………
I have to remind myself of this each time I have a bad mental day. I feel like I have 2 different parts of my brain telling me different things. One says “go do something and live your great life.” The other one says “Lie down and shut up. You don’t want to do anything, what’s the point?” It has been 2 days that I have been feeling this way. Depressed, sad, anxiety………met today by a feeling of impending doom.
Sure, something triggered it, but I’m not even consciously thinking about that anymore. Yet the anxiety remains. I have a great life. I do my own thing for money, I have a great wife and kids, we’re doing OK financially. Things are better than they’ve ever been!
But depression doesn’t care how my life is going. It does what it wants. I feel sad, anyway. I feel down anyway. I have extreme feelings of anxiety in my chest anyway. Depression isn’t always situational. As is the case with me. Something usually triggers it, and then it latches onto me like a leach and won’t let go. I sit here and try to make it go away but it doesn’t go away. I have to get out of the house for a time, and when I do, I feel better for a while, but coming home brings it all back to me. For no apparent reason. I am going through the storm. I have feelings of hopelessness. Feelings of pressure. Feelings of not wanting to exist because maybe that will take the pain away. But exist I must. Get over this I will. Weather the storm I shall.
Because I’ve been through this before. I keep telling myself this, because it’s comforting to know that I won’t feel like this forever. I may wake up one day feeling good. One way or another, it goes away. When it returns, it may be for a day, a week, or a couple of months. But it IS temporary, and I will survive it. I did not choose mental illness. I would wish it on no one. But I am not the only one who deals with it.
According to World Heath Organization (WHO), 1 in 4 people worldwide have some type of mental illness. That is 1 person out of every nuclear family. Many turn to recreational drugs or alcohol to cope. Some turn to suicide. Still others turn to professionals or get some type of treatment via doctors, or anti-depressants. I would bet that many more do not even know they have a mental illness at all.
I do recognize that I have a problem. But I will not seek treatment, because I also do not like people. I don’t trust doctors. I won’t drug myself up to stay on the right side of the line. No, I will deal with it my way. I cope one moment at a time. I watch a TV show or movie I love. I do small things that make me happy. I take a walk. I go to a store and look around while sipping on a soft drink. I joke with my kids. I can function with this and I will. But I have to tell you, these days are really hard.
But I know this also. I will weather the storm. I know this too will pass. And at the end of this storm, I will enjoy the rainbow. It really will be OK until next time. And when that time comes, I do know that I will get through that one as well, and things will be alright. I will hopefully come out stronger. But the bottom line is, I will win. I will not let mental illness claim my life. I will make it through. Tomorrow will be better than today. I can do it.